“It resembles near-death experiences”, Bad Ego Trip and Death Trip: Part 1
Most of my bad trips were tied to thoughts of death. Not necessarily that I was going to die soon, but the feeling that being a mortal human was unbearable and pointless. Once I stepped into this mindset, substances like LSD, mushrooms, or cannabis would whisk me away into a bizarre, threatening world where everything seemed like a threat to my small existence, either now or in the future.
In psychiatric terms, this type of bad trip could be seen as an exaggeration of paranoid traits, with increased distrust and delusional thinking in the context of imaginary threats. Everything becomes a sign, every object a projection, with negative emotions and the belief that anything could be dangerous.
In this state, people experiencing a bad trip often feel confused, anxious, and struggle to communicate. They may even feel a strong urge to escape or a mistaken belief that they are about to die. Sometimes, they blame the substance for this feeling, thinking it might cause harm like, "This substance is going to make me fall and break my neck," or "I've poisoned myself with this drug."
As I wandered through forums and read stories about bad trips, I was struck by how often these experiences were repeated. We can categorize bad trips by their intensity and nature. One type of bad trip caught my attention—probably the rarest and most intense—the one that involves facing one's own death. It resembles near-death experiences (NDEs) described by 465 people in an article detailing experiences during events like cardiac arrest, drowning, car accidents, surgery, overdoses, or violent abuse. These causes often lead to acute stress and organ failure.
It's fascinating how closely these psychedelic experiences resemble near-death experiences. Could this be the brain's way of protecting itself from the harsh reality of mortality? It depends on whether you take a scientific or spiritual view. Either way, these moments of acute stress often lead to a renewed sense of life for those who come back from them.
I invite you to compare these two types of NDEs. For somatic NDEs—those tied to potential bodily extinction—we'll refer to the aforementioned article. For psychedelic NDEs, we'll dive into psychonaut forums and famous trip reports.
Somatic NDE Phenomenon: A Meta-Analysis
The article categorizes NDEs into several types: supernatural, religious, cognitive, and emotional.
Supernatural Experiences: These include out-of-body experiences, feeling like you're in multiple places at once, passing through solid objects, entering non-terrestrial realms, and the classic tunnel experience. All of these can be seen as dissociative experiences where the mind feels separated from the body (autoscopy).
Religious/Mystical Experiences: These involve encounters with entities, deities, or deceased loved ones, and a sense of absolute oneness.
Cognitive Experiences: These are subjective feelings related to understanding specific topics, altered perceptions of time and space, enhanced sensory perceptions, and the ability to distance oneself from and observe one's life as a movie or book.
Emotional Experiences: During NDEs, people may feel intense well-being, peace, and relief from pain, making them hesitant to return to life. Negative experiences are less commonly reported but often involve guilt and judgment of past actions. Some experiences even describe the death of oneself or loved ones:
"A man thrown from his horse found himself floating at treetop height, watching emergency medical technicians working over his body. 'No! No! This isn’t right!' He screamed, 'Put me back!' but they did not hear him."
Others report experiencing places reminiscent of Bosch's horrific paintings filled with demonic beings:
"An atheistic university professor with an intestinal rupture experienced being maliciously pinched, then torn apart by malevolent beings."
"Experiencing horrific beings with gray gelatinous appendages grasping and clawing at me. The sounds of their guttural moaning and the indescribable stench still remain 41 years later. There was no benign Being of Light, no life video, nothing beautiful or pleasant."
In this article, the authors compare the negative experiences of an NDE to psychological trauma and identify three common coping mechanisms:
The Turnaround: The negative experience serves as a wake-up call, prompting a change in behavior.
"I've stopped drugs, moved back to Florida, and now I'm in Bible college. I used to have a casual attitude toward death, but now I actually fear it more. So yes, it was a warning. I was permitted another chance to change my behavior on earth.... I've taken my fear of death and given it to the scriptures."
Reductionism: Downplaying the significance of the negative event, acting as if it wasn't important.
"I often wonder if, in the shock of the attack, my mind played tricks on me, and that I may have just been unconscious and my brain deprived of oxygen."
Non-Integration: Some people feel haunted by the negative experience, reliving it and struggling to integrate it into a narrative that eases their anxiety.
"I had an experience which has remained with me for 29 years.... It has left a horror in my mind and I have never spoken about it until now."
Looking at the progression of an NDE, it often begins with a spiritual experience, like the presence of a tunnel of light or the vision of one's lifeless body surrounded by loved ones. It involves cognitive and emotional experiences, and the individual is often given a choice: to stay in the realm of the dead or return to the living.
Everyone who recounts this experience has chosen to return:
"I saw myself above my body. I had stopped breathing, and as time passed, I saw myself gently moving away from my body, accompanied by a sense of peace and tranquility. I was happy to leave my body and experience this state of calm. I saw my friends around me, saying I had a good life and that dying now wasn't so bad. Then suddenly, I saw my mother's face and knew I had to come back for her, to spare her from grief."
In the next article, we will analyze bad trips using trip reports gathered from psychonaut forums. We'll attempt to understand the common themes and patterns in these bad trips linked with death understandings.
Reported by Mickael Eskinazi